Yesterday I got lunch with my Merrill Lynch adviser. We got burgers at Embarcadero, and watched the water for a bit. I always call him when I'm in town, and we hang out. He's affable enough, but I think he'd really rather be doing almost anything else instead of hang out with me. This is my problem. I always complain that I book myself solid with lunches and dinners all the time, but a definite percentage of those bookings are with people who'd be just as happy or happier to spend the time doing something else.
This is also a taboo subject, I'm finding. the first thing anyone thinks when I talk about it, is that I must also not want to hang out with them, and then the conversation becomes awkward; people accidentally knock over the bouquet; someone wants to scratch their nose but the timing is off; etc.
For awhile I actually tried to keep track of how often other people got in touch with me; and I tried to reciprocate to that degree; but that didn't work. It turns out that if you try to apply mathematical principles to friendship, the friendship withers and dies. I think in many ways - even if you make plans ahead of time - friendship has to remain spontaneous. You have to see people when you want to see them; and you have to trust that they want to see you when they do see you. If some friend of mine told me they were mathematically tracking my behavior, and were reciprocating according to my graph, that'd creep me out. But that's exactly what I tried, awhile back.
On a slightly healthier level, I've also discovered that it's possible to have a particular number of people who I want to see a lot of, but who there's not enough days in the week to see. This is my situation in New York, and it's rapidly become my situation in San Francisco. Notwithstanding financial advisors, I basically genuinely want to see every single person I'm making plans with this trip. But the problem is, I'm here for 25 days or so, and there is more than that number of people that I want to see. Actually it's even worse, because certain people, like my friend Kar, and my cousins, I would really like to see more than once; more than twice even; which tightens up the planmaking a lot.
So I was realizing yesterday, for example, that I've got a lunch and a dinner booked with a different person every day next week. And the week following - my final week in town - is likely to be the same. And it's all going to be with people I really want to see! So now I'm discovering that it feels really awful to try to prioritize people I really care about. And on top of that is the hectic running around trying to keep up with all the appointments.
When I get back to New York, I'll immediately find myself in the same boat. The first week I'm home is booked solid. And my tendency for months if not years before now, has been to book each week solid like that.
I don't know why this blog entry is turning into a rant about time management. The only reason I ever come to San Francisco is to see people I care about. So, that's exactly what's happening. Success!
And then last night I got to see my old manager Gerry and his girlfriend Ellen, and I gave Gerry his present, the bottle of wine that Kar had helped me get; and we had really excellent sushi at a great place in San Carlos, and it was lovely! Sheesh! I've got to get over myself. I'm complaining and complaining about seeing too many people, when the vast majority of people I see are great!
And the moral of the story is.... complaining about an embarrassment of riches makes you look bad.
No comments:
Post a Comment