Yesterday was Movie Day again. Kar's already gone on her India Trip, so I had the Kar role in the ritual. James did everything for me the same as he'd do for Kar, right down to giving me a smaller helping of french fries than his, because Kar will eat up all the french fries on her plate, while James will stop when he's full. He also gave me Kar's favorite type of dip for the fries. I even called him one of the favorite pet names they use. We were adorable together.
We got started a little earlier than usual, but we still only got to watch 3 films, because of delays that cropped up along the way, and then I wanted to go to bed at 9:00 to start getting ready for my 4:30 AM wakeup on Monday.
The last film of the evening was "Diner", with Mickey Rourke, Kevin Bacon, and Ellen Barkin. I'd never seen it before, but apparently James used to watch it all the time with his group of friends back home. They could really relate to the small town gang of friends; getting into scrapes, being dufuses, not being able to figure women out, and ultimately aspiring to lead relatively normal lives.
The feel of the film reminded me a lot of Freaks And Geeks; another show James really relates to. One time I was visiting here and they were watching it, and every once in awhile James or Mark or Kar would yell out something about how exactly true the current scene was, how it matched their experience so exactly.
But with Diner and Freaks And Geeks, I didn't relate to them in the same way at all. With both of them it was just like watching long stretches of time where the plot doesn't advance at all, and the only thing going on is the interplay between characters. Which is fine. I love My Dinner With Andre, and there the whole movie is the interplay between characters. But the interplay that went on in Diner and in Freaks and Geeks was just harder for me to connect to.
One of the ongoing plot-lines in Diner is the fact that one of the friends is going to give his fiancee a 'football test'. If she earns a 65 or above, he'll go through with the marriage; otherwise, it's off. James can really relate to that, and as the movie ended he started telling me about how he used to test his girlfriends about Star Trek. Because if they didn't love Star Trek, they just weren't going to be able to stand him at all.
But to me, that whole plot-line, and it's triumphant vindication, just seemed so strange and unnatural. At one point in a supporting plot-line, Ellen Barkin's husband is yelling at her because she doesn't alphabetize his records properly when she listens to them; and she doesn't understand why he's yelling at her. Now, that kind of experience I'm familiar with; but the film uses it to justify the football test, as if to say, "clearly, obviously, if only this dude had done a music test, he'd be happy now; and so this dude is right on the mark with his football test."
To me it was all so misguided. The Ellen Barkin character clearly liked her husband's music - that's why she listened to it. And she clearly expressed what the problem was - his alphabetization scheme was too complicated and arbitrary for her to manage. And she'd be happy to treat the records however he wanted, if her husband could just organize them in a way she could deal with.
But the husband character is so caught up with his own ideas, and getting more and more frustrated because she doesn't have the same level of knowledge that he does, and yelling louder and louder, that he can't hear the fact that she's reaching out and trying to communicate.
It's horrifying. And instead of the ultimate point of the movie being that the husband should wake up and learn how to listen to something more than his record collection, the point ends up being that men should just make sure not to marry anyone who can't pass a test on their favorite topic. And James is sitting next to me going, "yup! I had a Star Trek test!"
So there was a surreal quality. But ultimately I found the whole experience interesting, the same way I found Freaks And Geeks interesting; because even though I don't relate to it directly, I seem to be friends with people who relate to it very strongly. And I like to get to know my friends better. James and I ended up talking a lot about what it meant to have a Star Trek test, and whether it would help result in a good relationship; and what it means to communicate with a lover; and so on. All in all, a good Movie Day. And I got to be Kar for a little while.
2012-09-30
2012-09-25
Pedicur-ious
Yesterday Kar and I got pedicures. We went to a little place in West Portal where two women from Vietnam did our feet, and another did Kar's hands. I got blue nail polish, my usual. A real boy color. It's gorgeous.
I also get my feet done in a little place on my block in New York City, though the women there tend to be Korean and Chinese.
I'd like to know what the deal is. Do these women come to the US knowing that they'll be doing pedicures? Are they paid a decent wage? What kind of promises are made? What kind of contracts are signed? Are they offered ESL classes? The woman who did my feet yesterday, Mimi, could only say hello; but when I asked how she was doing, she didn't understand, and had to get help from one of the other women, My, who'd been in America for 10 years and spoke fluent English with hardly any accent.
I'd like to know what the deal is. There seems to be a large population of Asian women working in these nail salons, most of whom don't speak English or at any rate not very well. Are they refugees? Are they being exploited? Why is the demographic of nail salon employees so consistent? There are laws in the US that prevent discrimination, so why would nail salons be populated exclusively with Asian women? There's something going on there. Is it just simple nepotism, or is it some form of indentured servitude?
Those are some of the thoughts that go through my mind whenever I get my nails done. I'd like to find out more about this. I'd like to discover that actually there's a humanitarian program that places women from impoverished circumstances into this kind of employment in America, giving them ESL classes and preparing them for a further career in this country. But really I suspect it's something more along the lines of this:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/phillip-martin/nail-salons-and-human-tra_b_669076.html
Unfortunately the only way I can think of to really find out the truth is to engage in some time consuming, and probably illegal, activities. For example, wait near the store, and follow the women when they leave in the evening. Do they all go home to apartments? Do they all leave together in a van? It seems like tracking their movements after work would be a sort of creepy thing to do, if not downright stalkerly and break-the-law-ey.
So I just wonder. And every few months I get my feet done again. But I wish someone would find out the answer and tell me.
I also get my feet done in a little place on my block in New York City, though the women there tend to be Korean and Chinese.
I'd like to know what the deal is. Do these women come to the US knowing that they'll be doing pedicures? Are they paid a decent wage? What kind of promises are made? What kind of contracts are signed? Are they offered ESL classes? The woman who did my feet yesterday, Mimi, could only say hello; but when I asked how she was doing, she didn't understand, and had to get help from one of the other women, My, who'd been in America for 10 years and spoke fluent English with hardly any accent.
I'd like to know what the deal is. There seems to be a large population of Asian women working in these nail salons, most of whom don't speak English or at any rate not very well. Are they refugees? Are they being exploited? Why is the demographic of nail salon employees so consistent? There are laws in the US that prevent discrimination, so why would nail salons be populated exclusively with Asian women? There's something going on there. Is it just simple nepotism, or is it some form of indentured servitude?
Those are some of the thoughts that go through my mind whenever I get my nails done. I'd like to find out more about this. I'd like to discover that actually there's a humanitarian program that places women from impoverished circumstances into this kind of employment in America, giving them ESL classes and preparing them for a further career in this country. But really I suspect it's something more along the lines of this:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/phillip-martin/nail-salons-and-human-tra_b_669076.html
Unfortunately the only way I can think of to really find out the truth is to engage in some time consuming, and probably illegal, activities. For example, wait near the store, and follow the women when they leave in the evening. Do they all go home to apartments? Do they all leave together in a van? It seems like tracking their movements after work would be a sort of creepy thing to do, if not downright stalkerly and break-the-law-ey.
So I just wonder. And every few months I get my feet done again. But I wish someone would find out the answer and tell me.
2012-09-24
Fun With Nick
Yesterday I saw my friend Nick for the first time in years. We used to work together in Mountain View, but I moved to New York and he moved to Washington State, and since then we've only been sporadically in contact. He's by far the funniest person I've ever known; and even including professional comedians he's one of the funniest people I've ever seen. His humor is largely sarcastic, and involves an ongoing series of invented scenarios that play off of whatever is happening in front of him. He also laughs at his own jokes, which some of our coworkers found annoying, but which I find endearing and infectious. His laugh reminds me of the Mozart character in the film 'Amadeus'.
He's also one of the freakishly intelligent people that were all over the place at Google when I was there, and from whom I learned a lot of humility. As a child in Michigan, his teachers quickly realized that he was beyond anything they'd seen before or were likely to see again, and arranged special curricula for him that allowed him to thrive.
It was great seeing him again. Apparently we had a conversation way back in 2007 in which I convinced him to try vegetarianism, and he's been vegetarian ever since. It must have been one of the last times we hung out, because I moved to New York in 2007, and never really experienced him eating vegetarian food. So it was really weird to meet up with him and learn that we'd need to find a vegetarian restaurant - and that I was responsible for that situation! Not that I minded. I love Herbivore in San Francisco, and we had a fun adventure trying to get there after both of us had spent so much time out of the city. We missed many turns, and got off on strange San Franciscan byways before we finally hit Valencia Street.
He also brought some of his favorite tea to share, and before we left Kar and James's house we brewed some up. He insisted on letting the water drop to 210 degrees before pouring into the tea; and then he brewed it for three and a half minutes; and afterwards he remarked that it had been over brewed. I think it was my first experience with someone taking such care over a cup of tea. Usually I drop my Earl Grey tea bag into water that is still boiling, or that's even been superheated in the microwave; and steep it until the water is black and bitter. Yum!
We caught up on a lot of old times, though not in nearly enough detail. I heard some news about his wife Laura and their five kids, and the pets and the house.
Eventually we got onto politics, and that became the topic for about two hours, until he finally had to leave at around 11:00. Kar and James had long since gone to bed. During the discussion I tried to put forward the idea that instead of innovation coming dubiously from the motivation of corporate greed, it should come from the institutions of education. At one point I remarked that education should be the focus of society, while everything else - short of basic comforts and survival - should be secondary. It was the first time I'd really formulated the idea in my head, that education should be the focus of society, rather than just a right of citizens. but it's true.
He didn't disagree, though he played devil's advocate a bit. Nick and I are fairly aligned in our political beliefs. It was a fun conversation. Much more fun than the times I have to try to convince libertarians that yes, in fact people other than themselves do matter, and that massive death is not a very good market correction.
It's really lucky he's in town at the same time I am. When I told him I was going to be in SF, he said something like, "maybe I should make a special visit down there." I figured he was kidding, but here he is! We're scheduled to hang out again on Tuesday, and I hope that pans out. I've missed him a lot.
He's also one of the freakishly intelligent people that were all over the place at Google when I was there, and from whom I learned a lot of humility. As a child in Michigan, his teachers quickly realized that he was beyond anything they'd seen before or were likely to see again, and arranged special curricula for him that allowed him to thrive.
It was great seeing him again. Apparently we had a conversation way back in 2007 in which I convinced him to try vegetarianism, and he's been vegetarian ever since. It must have been one of the last times we hung out, because I moved to New York in 2007, and never really experienced him eating vegetarian food. So it was really weird to meet up with him and learn that we'd need to find a vegetarian restaurant - and that I was responsible for that situation! Not that I minded. I love Herbivore in San Francisco, and we had a fun adventure trying to get there after both of us had spent so much time out of the city. We missed many turns, and got off on strange San Franciscan byways before we finally hit Valencia Street.
He also brought some of his favorite tea to share, and before we left Kar and James's house we brewed some up. He insisted on letting the water drop to 210 degrees before pouring into the tea; and then he brewed it for three and a half minutes; and afterwards he remarked that it had been over brewed. I think it was my first experience with someone taking such care over a cup of tea. Usually I drop my Earl Grey tea bag into water that is still boiling, or that's even been superheated in the microwave; and steep it until the water is black and bitter. Yum!
We caught up on a lot of old times, though not in nearly enough detail. I heard some news about his wife Laura and their five kids, and the pets and the house.
Eventually we got onto politics, and that became the topic for about two hours, until he finally had to leave at around 11:00. Kar and James had long since gone to bed. During the discussion I tried to put forward the idea that instead of innovation coming dubiously from the motivation of corporate greed, it should come from the institutions of education. At one point I remarked that education should be the focus of society, while everything else - short of basic comforts and survival - should be secondary. It was the first time I'd really formulated the idea in my head, that education should be the focus of society, rather than just a right of citizens. but it's true.
He didn't disagree, though he played devil's advocate a bit. Nick and I are fairly aligned in our political beliefs. It was a fun conversation. Much more fun than the times I have to try to convince libertarians that yes, in fact people other than themselves do matter, and that massive death is not a very good market correction.
It's really lucky he's in town at the same time I am. When I told him I was going to be in SF, he said something like, "maybe I should make a special visit down there." I figured he was kidding, but here he is! We're scheduled to hang out again on Tuesday, and I hope that pans out. I've missed him a lot.
2012-09-23
Movie Day
Every Saturday at Kar and James's house is Movie Day. It's really a James tradition, and it dates back years and years. Usually when I visit, I'll use Movie Day as a chance to go out and meet up with some of the people I want to see during the trip; but yesterday I decided to stick around and watch the movies with them.
It was fun! There are all sorts of little rituals that go along with it. For example, when they get up in the morning at around 10:30 or 11:00, James will make sandwiches; always the same sandwiches, prepared the same way. Then he and Kar will settle on a film to watch. They always watch the films in chronological order, so often it's a pre-code movie. Those things are just great. If you haven't watched many pre-code films, you should. So, Kar and James will watch the movie and eat their sandwiches.
When they finish their sandwiches, they pause the movie and James does the dishes, and a quick exercise, and Kar amuses herself, and then they continue watching the movie again. This part of the ritual is apparently completely cemented into their minds and habits. I was sitting with them, watching the movie, and everything was going fine. Then all of a sudden, with nothing being said, the movie was paused and they'd both left the room. It was like being present at a demonstration of psychic ability. I looked around in confusion. Kar was in the next room ironing a piece of sewing she'd been working on the night before; and James was in the kitchen.
"Uh... what's going on?" I asked. Their house is small enough that voices easily carry to all rooms, if you want them to. "What do you mean?" they asked. I say 'they', because they both expressed the same level of surprise at my confusion. Apparently this mid-movie interruption is so deeply ingrained, having occurred exactly the same way since time immemorial, that they don't even perceive it as an interruption.
This is actually one of the characteristics of Kar and James - mainly James - that sometimes causes frustration. It's the idea that the cultural elements that have saturated their lives are absolutely general, and form a part of everyone else's life as well. So for example, if they start talking about a particular film star, and I say I've never heard of that film star, James might do that cartoon gesture where the head swings around and around and then thrusts far forward at me, with a completely confused expression on his face. In cartoons it's usually accompanied by some kind of 'galagalagala' sound.
That actually doesn't happen much these days. For years it would though. Eventually I think he developed the theory that I am just very very different in some kind of alien way that can't be explained, and that eventually I'll be brought into the fold where I belong.
I adore Kar and James; but sometimes I do have the strong sense that I can visit their world, but they can never truly visit mine. I could be wrong about that; but sometimes I do get that sensation. And on Movie Day when all of a sudden I found myself alone in the living room with a paused DVD, that was one of the times.
So, that was the first movie. We managed to get through three more before bed time. I can definitely see the attraction of Movie Day. It's a chance to snuggle up in this wonderful house of theirs, and experience a whole bunch of stories, while eating very pleasurable food, and enjoying the safety and familiarity of an activity that is in many ways the same each time, while always still being very different.
It was fun! There are all sorts of little rituals that go along with it. For example, when they get up in the morning at around 10:30 or 11:00, James will make sandwiches; always the same sandwiches, prepared the same way. Then he and Kar will settle on a film to watch. They always watch the films in chronological order, so often it's a pre-code movie. Those things are just great. If you haven't watched many pre-code films, you should. So, Kar and James will watch the movie and eat their sandwiches.
When they finish their sandwiches, they pause the movie and James does the dishes, and a quick exercise, and Kar amuses herself, and then they continue watching the movie again. This part of the ritual is apparently completely cemented into their minds and habits. I was sitting with them, watching the movie, and everything was going fine. Then all of a sudden, with nothing being said, the movie was paused and they'd both left the room. It was like being present at a demonstration of psychic ability. I looked around in confusion. Kar was in the next room ironing a piece of sewing she'd been working on the night before; and James was in the kitchen.
"Uh... what's going on?" I asked. Their house is small enough that voices easily carry to all rooms, if you want them to. "What do you mean?" they asked. I say 'they', because they both expressed the same level of surprise at my confusion. Apparently this mid-movie interruption is so deeply ingrained, having occurred exactly the same way since time immemorial, that they don't even perceive it as an interruption.
This is actually one of the characteristics of Kar and James - mainly James - that sometimes causes frustration. It's the idea that the cultural elements that have saturated their lives are absolutely general, and form a part of everyone else's life as well. So for example, if they start talking about a particular film star, and I say I've never heard of that film star, James might do that cartoon gesture where the head swings around and around and then thrusts far forward at me, with a completely confused expression on his face. In cartoons it's usually accompanied by some kind of 'galagalagala' sound.
That actually doesn't happen much these days. For years it would though. Eventually I think he developed the theory that I am just very very different in some kind of alien way that can't be explained, and that eventually I'll be brought into the fold where I belong.
I adore Kar and James; but sometimes I do have the strong sense that I can visit their world, but they can never truly visit mine. I could be wrong about that; but sometimes I do get that sensation. And on Movie Day when all of a sudden I found myself alone in the living room with a paused DVD, that was one of the times.
So, that was the first movie. We managed to get through three more before bed time. I can definitely see the attraction of Movie Day. It's a chance to snuggle up in this wonderful house of theirs, and experience a whole bunch of stories, while eating very pleasurable food, and enjoying the safety and familiarity of an activity that is in many ways the same each time, while always still being very different.
2012-09-21
I'm a nut
Yesterday I had lunch with my friend Emily, a fellow former Googler who, like me, quit to pursue a different dream. In her case, she's getting another degree in preparation for teaching writing. She loves teaching, and currently does tutoring work for some kind of company that hires out tutors. I was thinking, this all sounds eerily appealing.
When I get back to New York, I think I'll look into possibly doing some tutoring work. I already know I'm great at that, and it'd be nice to have a little income, instead of living entirely off of savings. It's also an ideal gig if I'm going to work for any sort of corporation, because I won't have to interact with anyone in a corporate office - or at least not very much. And it's something I can do temporarily while looking for something in the nonprofit world.
It's amazing to me that these things don't occur to me naturally - I had to go to California and have lunch with an old friend before I could have the idea.
Then I had dinner with Mark, the brother of one of the people I'm staying with, James. We talked about career prospects for both of us, and it sort of reprized the whole issue. I can help other people in various ways, give them good ideas for their own direction - and by good ideas I mean ideas where they say, "oh! that's so obvious! Why didn't I think of that!" But for whatever reason I don't have the same caliber of idea when it comes to my own future plans. Even when I know I want to do something, I often find it difficult to identify the steps I'll need to go through. There always seems to be some kind of impediment, or some particular aspect I'm ambivalent about.
This is one of the things I admire about my friend Kar. Actually it's a small component of what I admire about her. She doesn't allow impediments to persist. If she's ambivalent about something, she'll just think about it and make a choice one way or the other. If there's something standing in her way, she'll just think about it and find a way through or around. She never takes the long way when a short way is available, and so she always has faith that however long something seems like it's going to take, that's the amount of time it's appropriate that it take.
It's an amazing ability, so simple in conception, but really it requires a raft of qualities that seem to have grown up naturally in her through the course of her life. For example, she has a clear sense of when something is a new problem versus an old problem; so it's easy for her to identify whether a situation involves things she's supposed to think through on her own, or if there's a government service or private company that handles that type of situation for people.
How do I learn how to do that? It seems like a function of spending a lifetime interacting with the world in particular ways, and developing a sense of what's out there. I don't have that sense to any great degree; but to Kar it just comes naturally.
Kar is highly admirable. They love her at her job, because if something is handed off to her, and it's possible to do, everyone knows she'll do it and it'll be totally right. She just thinks it all through, makes choices where choices are needed, eliminates impediments that crop up, and finds the shortest way to get everything done.
So yeah. Career choices. Ambivalence. Impediments. I know people who are so impeded that they can't make any changes at all. If an obstacle appears in front of them they behave like a child who is just learning to walk. They literally will just stand there, uncertain which foot to lift, and what direction to move it. And this will ruin their whole day.
I'm not at either end of that spectrum. But I would say that one of my biggest weaknesses is an unwillingness to address my own ambivalence in a practical way. I don't take steps to isolate it and reduce it to a simple choice. I think the reason is that I find my own ambivalence so fascinating. The idea that I could want two incompatible things; and the idea - or the faith - that if I just think hard enough about it, I'll be able to discover a way to satisfy both desires without sacrificing either of them. I do really have that faith. It's a faith in creativity; because so often I've found that seemingly incompatible ideas really aren't incompatible, if someone is willing to approach them unconventionally.
So I'm even ambivalent about ambivalence itself! Do I want to reduce competing choices to simple terms and make my decision about them quickly? Or do I want to use them as opportunities to challenge myself to find a way to incorporate both of them into the same solution? I can't decide! I don't want to decide!
When I get back to New York, I think I'll look into possibly doing some tutoring work. I already know I'm great at that, and it'd be nice to have a little income, instead of living entirely off of savings. It's also an ideal gig if I'm going to work for any sort of corporation, because I won't have to interact with anyone in a corporate office - or at least not very much. And it's something I can do temporarily while looking for something in the nonprofit world.
It's amazing to me that these things don't occur to me naturally - I had to go to California and have lunch with an old friend before I could have the idea.
Then I had dinner with Mark, the brother of one of the people I'm staying with, James. We talked about career prospects for both of us, and it sort of reprized the whole issue. I can help other people in various ways, give them good ideas for their own direction - and by good ideas I mean ideas where they say, "oh! that's so obvious! Why didn't I think of that!" But for whatever reason I don't have the same caliber of idea when it comes to my own future plans. Even when I know I want to do something, I often find it difficult to identify the steps I'll need to go through. There always seems to be some kind of impediment, or some particular aspect I'm ambivalent about.
This is one of the things I admire about my friend Kar. Actually it's a small component of what I admire about her. She doesn't allow impediments to persist. If she's ambivalent about something, she'll just think about it and make a choice one way or the other. If there's something standing in her way, she'll just think about it and find a way through or around. She never takes the long way when a short way is available, and so she always has faith that however long something seems like it's going to take, that's the amount of time it's appropriate that it take.
It's an amazing ability, so simple in conception, but really it requires a raft of qualities that seem to have grown up naturally in her through the course of her life. For example, she has a clear sense of when something is a new problem versus an old problem; so it's easy for her to identify whether a situation involves things she's supposed to think through on her own, or if there's a government service or private company that handles that type of situation for people.
How do I learn how to do that? It seems like a function of spending a lifetime interacting with the world in particular ways, and developing a sense of what's out there. I don't have that sense to any great degree; but to Kar it just comes naturally.
Kar is highly admirable. They love her at her job, because if something is handed off to her, and it's possible to do, everyone knows she'll do it and it'll be totally right. She just thinks it all through, makes choices where choices are needed, eliminates impediments that crop up, and finds the shortest way to get everything done.
So yeah. Career choices. Ambivalence. Impediments. I know people who are so impeded that they can't make any changes at all. If an obstacle appears in front of them they behave like a child who is just learning to walk. They literally will just stand there, uncertain which foot to lift, and what direction to move it. And this will ruin their whole day.
I'm not at either end of that spectrum. But I would say that one of my biggest weaknesses is an unwillingness to address my own ambivalence in a practical way. I don't take steps to isolate it and reduce it to a simple choice. I think the reason is that I find my own ambivalence so fascinating. The idea that I could want two incompatible things; and the idea - or the faith - that if I just think hard enough about it, I'll be able to discover a way to satisfy both desires without sacrificing either of them. I do really have that faith. It's a faith in creativity; because so often I've found that seemingly incompatible ideas really aren't incompatible, if someone is willing to approach them unconventionally.
So I'm even ambivalent about ambivalence itself! Do I want to reduce competing choices to simple terms and make my decision about them quickly? Or do I want to use them as opportunities to challenge myself to find a way to incorporate both of them into the same solution? I can't decide! I don't want to decide!
2012-09-19
Business Lunch
Yesterday I had lunch with an old coworker from when I first lived in San Francisco. He's at a fancy new startup, and what a coinkydink! They are looking for tech writers.
It was grim. I loved seeing the guy again after all these years, and he's just as interesting and fun to be around as ever. But dang. It's a company that specializes in figuring out how to get consumers to see more ads. And when I say I'm interested in switching away from tech writing and maybe getting into nonprofit work, he's like, "at our age, it's really too late to change." And stuff like that, that I know he wouldn't say if he were thinking clearly. But he's doing his pitch, he wants to deliver the package.
So he shows me around his office, and he's introducing me around, and everyone's like, "so what are you working on these days?" And lo and behold I'm starting to give corporate answers. "Well, I've been involved in a number of projects," and so on. Ugh.
What have I been doing, you ask? I've been getting as far away from the corporate world as I can run without injury. That's what I've been doing.
I'm just not a corporate person. If someone comes up with a great idea for something that a lot of people might want, the most natural thing to do is to just give it to them. Just invent your gizmo, or set up your web site, or build your infrastructure; and just give it away. If it's so great, then let people have it.
It's amazing to me how many friends I've made in the corporate world who would just laugh right in my face at that sentiment. "Why shouldn't I get the money I've earned from my hard work?" they ask.
Anyway, after we walked around his office for awhile, we went downstairs to say goodbye, and one of his colleagues came by. There was some sort of secret gesture between them, and my friend said, "no no, we're just saying goodbye." And then he turned to me and said, "unless you'd like to join us for coffee?"
So I said sure, and the three of us headed out. As we passed through the exit, my friend said to his colleague, "yes, I've tried recruiting him. No, he's not interested yet." Who knows if the colleague even knew I was coming by. The remark was really directed at me anyway. We want you. We're serious about it. Come on board. Name your price.
The capper came outside the coffee shop, when the colleague started telling us about how he treats his three small children. "When they wake up crying, and say they've had a nightmare, I say, 'no you didn't', and put them right back down." He did the gesture of taking a crying baby and setting it back down in its crib several times. "No you didn't," and set the baby down. "No you didn't," and set the baby down. "No you didn't," and set the baby down.
I'm just thinking, "you monstrous smiling beast with your coffee." And of course I'm standing there smiling with my coffee. Because in the corporate environment, you can't say how you really feel. If I said how I really felt, they wouldn't want to hire me. And if I worked there and said how I really felt, they'd want to fire me. That's what the corporate world is all about. If you feel bad, you have to act like you feel good. If you think someone's an asshole, you have to act like you think they're a nice guy. If you think someone might be causing long-term damage to their kids, you have to smile and hold your coffee and laugh about it with them.
Notwithstanding the colleague and the recruiting, it really was nice to see my old friend, and reconnect after all these years. I don't mind having friends in the corporate world; it's just not for me. He's a fun guy to talk to, and the non-recruiting parts of the conversation were great. We talked about reverse lookups on the DNS when you're in a virtual network like Amazon's AWS system. We talked about the Presidential election. We talked about Linux and free software. In a lot of ways, it was just like old times.
It was grim. I loved seeing the guy again after all these years, and he's just as interesting and fun to be around as ever. But dang. It's a company that specializes in figuring out how to get consumers to see more ads. And when I say I'm interested in switching away from tech writing and maybe getting into nonprofit work, he's like, "at our age, it's really too late to change." And stuff like that, that I know he wouldn't say if he were thinking clearly. But he's doing his pitch, he wants to deliver the package.
So he shows me around his office, and he's introducing me around, and everyone's like, "so what are you working on these days?" And lo and behold I'm starting to give corporate answers. "Well, I've been involved in a number of projects," and so on. Ugh.
What have I been doing, you ask? I've been getting as far away from the corporate world as I can run without injury. That's what I've been doing.
I'm just not a corporate person. If someone comes up with a great idea for something that a lot of people might want, the most natural thing to do is to just give it to them. Just invent your gizmo, or set up your web site, or build your infrastructure; and just give it away. If it's so great, then let people have it.
It's amazing to me how many friends I've made in the corporate world who would just laugh right in my face at that sentiment. "Why shouldn't I get the money I've earned from my hard work?" they ask.
Anyway, after we walked around his office for awhile, we went downstairs to say goodbye, and one of his colleagues came by. There was some sort of secret gesture between them, and my friend said, "no no, we're just saying goodbye." And then he turned to me and said, "unless you'd like to join us for coffee?"
So I said sure, and the three of us headed out. As we passed through the exit, my friend said to his colleague, "yes, I've tried recruiting him. No, he's not interested yet." Who knows if the colleague even knew I was coming by. The remark was really directed at me anyway. We want you. We're serious about it. Come on board. Name your price.
The capper came outside the coffee shop, when the colleague started telling us about how he treats his three small children. "When they wake up crying, and say they've had a nightmare, I say, 'no you didn't', and put them right back down." He did the gesture of taking a crying baby and setting it back down in its crib several times. "No you didn't," and set the baby down. "No you didn't," and set the baby down. "No you didn't," and set the baby down.
I'm just thinking, "you monstrous smiling beast with your coffee." And of course I'm standing there smiling with my coffee. Because in the corporate environment, you can't say how you really feel. If I said how I really felt, they wouldn't want to hire me. And if I worked there and said how I really felt, they'd want to fire me. That's what the corporate world is all about. If you feel bad, you have to act like you feel good. If you think someone's an asshole, you have to act like you think they're a nice guy. If you think someone might be causing long-term damage to their kids, you have to smile and hold your coffee and laugh about it with them.
Notwithstanding the colleague and the recruiting, it really was nice to see my old friend, and reconnect after all these years. I don't mind having friends in the corporate world; it's just not for me. He's a fun guy to talk to, and the non-recruiting parts of the conversation were great. We talked about reverse lookups on the DNS when you're in a virtual network like Amazon's AWS system. We talked about the Presidential election. We talked about Linux and free software. In a lot of ways, it was just like old times.
2012-09-18
Genevra's Weekend
Genevra just spent the weekend out here. It's the first time I've ever had someone who lived in my neck of the woods come out to the place I was traveling to, just to visit me while I was away. I've had people travel with me for the whole trip, or most of the trip; but she just came out for the weekend, in the middle of my multi-week voyage.
It was great! Everything came together, timing-wise. She arrived on Friday night, which is traditionally the day Kar and James have a little gathering, with wide-ranging discussions and a late night for all. Genevra had booked a flight that would get in at midnight, so just by chance everyone was still going to be awake when she made it to the house at 12:30. Usually 10PM is bedtime.
Saturday is traditionally "movie day", where Kar and James wake up, make sandwiches, and start off with an old film, often pre-code; and then watch more and more recent films until by the end of the day they get to one from the last ten years or so. So Genevra and I got to be part of movie day, and I'd arranged for a massage therapist to come by; so she and Kar and I all took turns getting massaged. Another case of things timing out perfectly; because the people waiting for massages all had nice movies to watch.
Then Sunday, Kar and James put on one of their traditional barbecues. It was kind of short notice, but a bunch of people showed up, and there were burgers and sausages, and everyone sat out in the beautiful garden for a long time until it got chilly, and then we all moved indoors and continued the discussion. So, that was a third case of timing potentially being bad, because people might not have been able to show up on such short notice; but where it all worked out and was nice.
I also got to meet two of Genevra's friends who live out here. One came to the barbecue; but the other turned out to involve a fourth case of interesting timing. I'd been scheduled to hang out with my old friend Riana for lunch on Monday, and somehow I just hadn't connected to the idea that Genevra was still going to be in town for the day, and wouldn't leave till evening. I just thought of her as leaving on Monday, and did my usual thing of booking myself up with friends for that day. So I ended up rescheduling with Riana for next week, and then it turned out that Genevra's other friend wanted to get lunch with her that same day, in the same neighborhood that I'd been planning to meet up with Riana.
So to that extent I was more like, "dang, if I hadn't rescheduled with Riana, everything would be perfect now, because you could see your friend and I could see mine, and we could head downtown together, and come back to the house together." But instead I ended up going with Genevra to hang out with her friend, and that was actually better, because I'm still going to get to see Riana, but I wouldn't have gotten to see Genevra's friend this visit. So ultimately things timed out for the best.
It was a weekend of oddly propitious timing. And it was really nice and strange to get to see Genevra in the middle of what is usually a completely non-NY type of situation.
Her two friends were both really interesting. During the barbecue, Genevra and her first friend (whose name I already forgot - stupid me - I'll call her friend A) Genevra and friend A were hanging out and catching up on old times; and I was sitting with them, and one of Kar and James's roommates was there, Caitlin, a 20-something with braces, kind of just starting out with life. So, somehow it came up that Genevra's a delivery nurse, and the three of them started a really detailed discussion of vaginas, and birth, and shaving strategies, and I was just sort of sitting there being happy. Usually I'm the one who raises the taboo topics and watches the people around me blushing, and then I'm the one who may also get yelled at for it; but no. This time it was Genevra and friend A. I loved it because those kind of topics shouldn't be taboo, and the people who get offended by them should chill out. I think Caitlin loved it too, because earlier she'd confessed to me that she was shy and awkward in groups; and it looked like she was having the time of her life in that discussion.
Friend B was also interesting. We met up and ate at a fancy place down town, because she's a successful TV producer. In fact, Genevra was on the identical career path when she decided to switch into an ethically more meaningful career; so I sort of looked at friend B as the 'Mirror Mirror' version of what Genevra would be like if she'd stayed in TV and become a bigger and bigger producer.
Oddly enough, James is a big-time Star Trek person, and the 'Mirror Mirror' episode and its progeny had come up in discussion a number of times already during my visit; so it was actually really apropos to get to meet up with friend B, who I kind of feel like now I should call Evil Kirk or something.
But actually she was great, and I posed a question to her. She was clearly doing very well financially, and during the conversation she confirmed that she was really just in it for the money; so the question I posed was, if all jobs paid the same, and there were no stock options or bonuses, and she could start fresh in any career she wanted, which would it be?
She thought about it for a bit, and said she'd probably be exploring the benefits of herbs, and practicing holistic medicine. She'd always been interested in that, and she told us some neat stories about holistic cures she'd heard about or experienced. So holistic medicine was her real dream. That was cool, and since I'd gone to a holistic doctor the week before, that James had recommended to me; I got to talk to friend B a bit about the whole topic.
Actually my mother had been really into holistic medicine when I was growing up, but I never got interested in it back then. Her books had been full of diagrams that were beautiful but made no sense to me. I was surprised at the doctor's office, to see that he had holistic medical texts dating back to 1911. I'd always thought of it as strictly the province of the 60's and 70's. So those were some of my thoughts during the friend B experience.
In between all the events of the weekend, Genevra and I did a lot of talking and hanging out. All New Yorkers are morning people in California, so we ended up getting breakfast together every day. Once at the Squat'n'Gobble in West Portal, and the other times at the new Whole Foods on Ocean Ave. The breakfasts were very fun, and the whole rest of the time was very fun. The only bad part was that on the very last day, my knee hurt a little and my back was bothering me, so I was a slower mover than usual. I need to get back into swimming. Swimming is clearly the way to go. That's first on my list for back home.
The whole visit was nice - a lot nicer than a surfacey blog post can reveal - and after Genevra left, Kar and James both said they liked her, and that she was welcome back any time. In fact, the way they phrased it, it was almost like they were saying I could stay in New York if I wanted, and just send her along to visit them. Which I know was just in my head, but I still found it funny.
It was great! Everything came together, timing-wise. She arrived on Friday night, which is traditionally the day Kar and James have a little gathering, with wide-ranging discussions and a late night for all. Genevra had booked a flight that would get in at midnight, so just by chance everyone was still going to be awake when she made it to the house at 12:30. Usually 10PM is bedtime.
Saturday is traditionally "movie day", where Kar and James wake up, make sandwiches, and start off with an old film, often pre-code; and then watch more and more recent films until by the end of the day they get to one from the last ten years or so. So Genevra and I got to be part of movie day, and I'd arranged for a massage therapist to come by; so she and Kar and I all took turns getting massaged. Another case of things timing out perfectly; because the people waiting for massages all had nice movies to watch.
Then Sunday, Kar and James put on one of their traditional barbecues. It was kind of short notice, but a bunch of people showed up, and there were burgers and sausages, and everyone sat out in the beautiful garden for a long time until it got chilly, and then we all moved indoors and continued the discussion. So, that was a third case of timing potentially being bad, because people might not have been able to show up on such short notice; but where it all worked out and was nice.
I also got to meet two of Genevra's friends who live out here. One came to the barbecue; but the other turned out to involve a fourth case of interesting timing. I'd been scheduled to hang out with my old friend Riana for lunch on Monday, and somehow I just hadn't connected to the idea that Genevra was still going to be in town for the day, and wouldn't leave till evening. I just thought of her as leaving on Monday, and did my usual thing of booking myself up with friends for that day. So I ended up rescheduling with Riana for next week, and then it turned out that Genevra's other friend wanted to get lunch with her that same day, in the same neighborhood that I'd been planning to meet up with Riana.
So to that extent I was more like, "dang, if I hadn't rescheduled with Riana, everything would be perfect now, because you could see your friend and I could see mine, and we could head downtown together, and come back to the house together." But instead I ended up going with Genevra to hang out with her friend, and that was actually better, because I'm still going to get to see Riana, but I wouldn't have gotten to see Genevra's friend this visit. So ultimately things timed out for the best.
It was a weekend of oddly propitious timing. And it was really nice and strange to get to see Genevra in the middle of what is usually a completely non-NY type of situation.
Her two friends were both really interesting. During the barbecue, Genevra and her first friend (whose name I already forgot - stupid me - I'll call her friend A) Genevra and friend A were hanging out and catching up on old times; and I was sitting with them, and one of Kar and James's roommates was there, Caitlin, a 20-something with braces, kind of just starting out with life. So, somehow it came up that Genevra's a delivery nurse, and the three of them started a really detailed discussion of vaginas, and birth, and shaving strategies, and I was just sort of sitting there being happy. Usually I'm the one who raises the taboo topics and watches the people around me blushing, and then I'm the one who may also get yelled at for it; but no. This time it was Genevra and friend A. I loved it because those kind of topics shouldn't be taboo, and the people who get offended by them should chill out. I think Caitlin loved it too, because earlier she'd confessed to me that she was shy and awkward in groups; and it looked like she was having the time of her life in that discussion.
Friend B was also interesting. We met up and ate at a fancy place down town, because she's a successful TV producer. In fact, Genevra was on the identical career path when she decided to switch into an ethically more meaningful career; so I sort of looked at friend B as the 'Mirror Mirror' version of what Genevra would be like if she'd stayed in TV and become a bigger and bigger producer.
Oddly enough, James is a big-time Star Trek person, and the 'Mirror Mirror' episode and its progeny had come up in discussion a number of times already during my visit; so it was actually really apropos to get to meet up with friend B, who I kind of feel like now I should call Evil Kirk or something.
But actually she was great, and I posed a question to her. She was clearly doing very well financially, and during the conversation she confirmed that she was really just in it for the money; so the question I posed was, if all jobs paid the same, and there were no stock options or bonuses, and she could start fresh in any career she wanted, which would it be?
She thought about it for a bit, and said she'd probably be exploring the benefits of herbs, and practicing holistic medicine. She'd always been interested in that, and she told us some neat stories about holistic cures she'd heard about or experienced. So holistic medicine was her real dream. That was cool, and since I'd gone to a holistic doctor the week before, that James had recommended to me; I got to talk to friend B a bit about the whole topic.
Actually my mother had been really into holistic medicine when I was growing up, but I never got interested in it back then. Her books had been full of diagrams that were beautiful but made no sense to me. I was surprised at the doctor's office, to see that he had holistic medical texts dating back to 1911. I'd always thought of it as strictly the province of the 60's and 70's. So those were some of my thoughts during the friend B experience.
In between all the events of the weekend, Genevra and I did a lot of talking and hanging out. All New Yorkers are morning people in California, so we ended up getting breakfast together every day. Once at the Squat'n'Gobble in West Portal, and the other times at the new Whole Foods on Ocean Ave. The breakfasts were very fun, and the whole rest of the time was very fun. The only bad part was that on the very last day, my knee hurt a little and my back was bothering me, so I was a slower mover than usual. I need to get back into swimming. Swimming is clearly the way to go. That's first on my list for back home.
The whole visit was nice - a lot nicer than a surfacey blog post can reveal - and after Genevra left, Kar and James both said they liked her, and that she was welcome back any time. In fact, the way they phrased it, it was almost like they were saying I could stay in New York if I wanted, and just send her along to visit them. Which I know was just in my head, but I still found it funny.
2012-09-13
An Embarrassment Of Riches
Yesterday I got lunch with my Merrill Lynch adviser. We got burgers at Embarcadero, and watched the water for a bit. I always call him when I'm in town, and we hang out. He's affable enough, but I think he'd really rather be doing almost anything else instead of hang out with me. This is my problem. I always complain that I book myself solid with lunches and dinners all the time, but a definite percentage of those bookings are with people who'd be just as happy or happier to spend the time doing something else.
This is also a taboo subject, I'm finding. the first thing anyone thinks when I talk about it, is that I must also not want to hang out with them, and then the conversation becomes awkward; people accidentally knock over the bouquet; someone wants to scratch their nose but the timing is off; etc.
For awhile I actually tried to keep track of how often other people got in touch with me; and I tried to reciprocate to that degree; but that didn't work. It turns out that if you try to apply mathematical principles to friendship, the friendship withers and dies. I think in many ways - even if you make plans ahead of time - friendship has to remain spontaneous. You have to see people when you want to see them; and you have to trust that they want to see you when they do see you. If some friend of mine told me they were mathematically tracking my behavior, and were reciprocating according to my graph, that'd creep me out. But that's exactly what I tried, awhile back.
On a slightly healthier level, I've also discovered that it's possible to have a particular number of people who I want to see a lot of, but who there's not enough days in the week to see. This is my situation in New York, and it's rapidly become my situation in San Francisco. Notwithstanding financial advisors, I basically genuinely want to see every single person I'm making plans with this trip. But the problem is, I'm here for 25 days or so, and there is more than that number of people that I want to see. Actually it's even worse, because certain people, like my friend Kar, and my cousins, I would really like to see more than once; more than twice even; which tightens up the planmaking a lot.
So I was realizing yesterday, for example, that I've got a lunch and a dinner booked with a different person every day next week. And the week following - my final week in town - is likely to be the same. And it's all going to be with people I really want to see! So now I'm discovering that it feels really awful to try to prioritize people I really care about. And on top of that is the hectic running around trying to keep up with all the appointments.
When I get back to New York, I'll immediately find myself in the same boat. The first week I'm home is booked solid. And my tendency for months if not years before now, has been to book each week solid like that.
I don't know why this blog entry is turning into a rant about time management. The only reason I ever come to San Francisco is to see people I care about. So, that's exactly what's happening. Success!
And then last night I got to see my old manager Gerry and his girlfriend Ellen, and I gave Gerry his present, the bottle of wine that Kar had helped me get; and we had really excellent sushi at a great place in San Carlos, and it was lovely! Sheesh! I've got to get over myself. I'm complaining and complaining about seeing too many people, when the vast majority of people I see are great!
And the moral of the story is.... complaining about an embarrassment of riches makes you look bad.
This is also a taboo subject, I'm finding. the first thing anyone thinks when I talk about it, is that I must also not want to hang out with them, and then the conversation becomes awkward; people accidentally knock over the bouquet; someone wants to scratch their nose but the timing is off; etc.
For awhile I actually tried to keep track of how often other people got in touch with me; and I tried to reciprocate to that degree; but that didn't work. It turns out that if you try to apply mathematical principles to friendship, the friendship withers and dies. I think in many ways - even if you make plans ahead of time - friendship has to remain spontaneous. You have to see people when you want to see them; and you have to trust that they want to see you when they do see you. If some friend of mine told me they were mathematically tracking my behavior, and were reciprocating according to my graph, that'd creep me out. But that's exactly what I tried, awhile back.
On a slightly healthier level, I've also discovered that it's possible to have a particular number of people who I want to see a lot of, but who there's not enough days in the week to see. This is my situation in New York, and it's rapidly become my situation in San Francisco. Notwithstanding financial advisors, I basically genuinely want to see every single person I'm making plans with this trip. But the problem is, I'm here for 25 days or so, and there is more than that number of people that I want to see. Actually it's even worse, because certain people, like my friend Kar, and my cousins, I would really like to see more than once; more than twice even; which tightens up the planmaking a lot.
So I was realizing yesterday, for example, that I've got a lunch and a dinner booked with a different person every day next week. And the week following - my final week in town - is likely to be the same. And it's all going to be with people I really want to see! So now I'm discovering that it feels really awful to try to prioritize people I really care about. And on top of that is the hectic running around trying to keep up with all the appointments.
When I get back to New York, I'll immediately find myself in the same boat. The first week I'm home is booked solid. And my tendency for months if not years before now, has been to book each week solid like that.
I don't know why this blog entry is turning into a rant about time management. The only reason I ever come to San Francisco is to see people I care about. So, that's exactly what's happening. Success!
And then last night I got to see my old manager Gerry and his girlfriend Ellen, and I gave Gerry his present, the bottle of wine that Kar had helped me get; and we had really excellent sushi at a great place in San Carlos, and it was lovely! Sheesh! I've got to get over myself. I'm complaining and complaining about seeing too many people, when the vast majority of people I see are great!
And the moral of the story is.... complaining about an embarrassment of riches makes you look bad.
2012-09-11
Family Smatterings
Yesterday I got to see Deb, Merv, Lisa, Moja, and Sami. It was lucky, because Deb and Merv are about to head out to the other side of the world for the whole rest of the time I'm here. I'll still get to see Lisa, Moja, and Sami again though.
Seeing family is sometimes odd to tell about, because not much might happen, but it's still a lot because of all the impressions and reminders. Deb was taking care of medical stuff, because of the inconvenience of bringing her equipment to a place where they may be no clean water or syringes. And Merv was doing stuff about Lisa's business. So I mostly hung out and read for the afternoon, although Deb did make us some hard shell tacos.
I also got to see their new endless pool, which really works, and looked gorgeous because they'd turned their outdoor patio into a whole little pool room that was part of the house, and looked as though it had always been part of the house. I told them I wanted one in my bedroom instead of a bed; and I'd just sleep on a flotation device.
Eventually Lisa and Sami got home, and we all started hanging out for real. I met the dogs, that had been in Lisa, Moja, and Sami's house. They were all adorable lap-sized puppies, super friendly and all different breeds. The poodle had apparently been abused, and had not taken to my mother at all when my parents had visited; but he took to me right off, and I swear he would gaze earnestly and longingly into my eyes as I scritched his head and back.
Things almost became tragic though, because at one point there was a little mouse doll on a string, and I was trying to intrigue the poodle (I don't know why, he already loved me), and accidentally hit him on the nose with it. He immediately cringed, and started backing slowly underneath a chair. So I got rid of the mouse, laid down on the ground, and spoke soothingly and moved slowly, encouraging him to come over to me. Fortunately, he decided to give me one more chance, but he was clearly very scared. I stroked him extremely gently for a long, long time, and gradually he warmed up again. Lucky thing.
Sami was great to be around. She's essentially fully grown now, about to start high school. In October she's going on a class trip to work with AIDS patients in Los Angeles. Dang! Now that's the kind of class trip my schools never took me on.
Sami's highly cogent. I loved watching her argue with her parents and grandparents, because whatever it was that she wanted, she made very convincing arguments. Nobody stood a chance; they just had to resort to trying to change the subject; or else explain the real reasons. For example, she wanted to know how much the LA event was going to cost her family, and they didn't want to tell her. She explained very calmly, "I'm part of the family too, and I want to be involved in these kinds of decisions." There was a lot of hemming and hawing on the other side of the discussion. Finally I said something like, "it's the pride of the parent - they want to do nice things for you, without you worrying about how much it might cost." That's how my dad felt when I was a kid, and it seemed to satisfy her, but whether it was because I made sense, or because she didn't want to argue with Cousin Zack, I don't know.
We ended up meeting Moja at a Chinese restaurant, the kind with the big rotating platform on the table, and everyone shared a bunch of entrees. Then Merv and Deb drove me to the BART.
That's the big problem with visiting them. They live almost at the end of the line; and Kar and James live almost at the other end of the line. And when I made it back to Balboa Park Station from El Cerrito Del Norte, I still had to wait for the 29 bus to take me back to Miramar. But all in all, it wasn't such a long trip. And I don't mind anyway. The bad part is just that Deb and Merv always have to drive me to and from BART at their end, because there's not really any other way to get to Crockett. I prefer to come and go without inconveniencing people.
So that was the family visit, and the only time I'll get to see Deb and Merv this time around. But I'm going to make plans with Lisa, to come back, hopefully a bunch of times before I leave. And maybe they'll come into San Francisco for dinner, a time or two.
Seeing family is sometimes odd to tell about, because not much might happen, but it's still a lot because of all the impressions and reminders. Deb was taking care of medical stuff, because of the inconvenience of bringing her equipment to a place where they may be no clean water or syringes. And Merv was doing stuff about Lisa's business. So I mostly hung out and read for the afternoon, although Deb did make us some hard shell tacos.
I also got to see their new endless pool, which really works, and looked gorgeous because they'd turned their outdoor patio into a whole little pool room that was part of the house, and looked as though it had always been part of the house. I told them I wanted one in my bedroom instead of a bed; and I'd just sleep on a flotation device.
Eventually Lisa and Sami got home, and we all started hanging out for real. I met the dogs, that had been in Lisa, Moja, and Sami's house. They were all adorable lap-sized puppies, super friendly and all different breeds. The poodle had apparently been abused, and had not taken to my mother at all when my parents had visited; but he took to me right off, and I swear he would gaze earnestly and longingly into my eyes as I scritched his head and back.
Things almost became tragic though, because at one point there was a little mouse doll on a string, and I was trying to intrigue the poodle (I don't know why, he already loved me), and accidentally hit him on the nose with it. He immediately cringed, and started backing slowly underneath a chair. So I got rid of the mouse, laid down on the ground, and spoke soothingly and moved slowly, encouraging him to come over to me. Fortunately, he decided to give me one more chance, but he was clearly very scared. I stroked him extremely gently for a long, long time, and gradually he warmed up again. Lucky thing.
Sami was great to be around. She's essentially fully grown now, about to start high school. In October she's going on a class trip to work with AIDS patients in Los Angeles. Dang! Now that's the kind of class trip my schools never took me on.
Sami's highly cogent. I loved watching her argue with her parents and grandparents, because whatever it was that she wanted, she made very convincing arguments. Nobody stood a chance; they just had to resort to trying to change the subject; or else explain the real reasons. For example, she wanted to know how much the LA event was going to cost her family, and they didn't want to tell her. She explained very calmly, "I'm part of the family too, and I want to be involved in these kinds of decisions." There was a lot of hemming and hawing on the other side of the discussion. Finally I said something like, "it's the pride of the parent - they want to do nice things for you, without you worrying about how much it might cost." That's how my dad felt when I was a kid, and it seemed to satisfy her, but whether it was because I made sense, or because she didn't want to argue with Cousin Zack, I don't know.
We ended up meeting Moja at a Chinese restaurant, the kind with the big rotating platform on the table, and everyone shared a bunch of entrees. Then Merv and Deb drove me to the BART.
That's the big problem with visiting them. They live almost at the end of the line; and Kar and James live almost at the other end of the line. And when I made it back to Balboa Park Station from El Cerrito Del Norte, I still had to wait for the 29 bus to take me back to Miramar. But all in all, it wasn't such a long trip. And I don't mind anyway. The bad part is just that Deb and Merv always have to drive me to and from BART at their end, because there's not really any other way to get to Crockett. I prefer to come and go without inconveniencing people.
So that was the family visit, and the only time I'll get to see Deb and Merv this time around. But I'm going to make plans with Lisa, to come back, hopefully a bunch of times before I leave. And maybe they'll come into San Francisco for dinner, a time or two.
2012-09-10
A Day At The Beach
Yesterday was my and Kar's Sunday together, where we took the whole day and just did whatever we wanted. The way it works is, my visits involve a calendar phase, where she identifies all her free days, and I block those off so I don't make any other plans. For the most part it works great, though on any given day she might have to suddenly go into work, or I might have to see someone who's only available to hang out on that day. Par for the course.
But Sunday was perfect. We breakfasted at Squat'n'Gobble in West Portal, which tends to be the restaurant I eat most at whenever I'm in San Francisco. There are places I like the food better, but Squat'n'Gobble has the hangout atmosphere, and it's easy to get to without a car. So, for friends who are mobile, it's a natural choice.
All of that is apropos of nothing, since I'm staying at Kar's house and we could've driven anywhere. What can I say - it's familiar and we like it.
They'd changed the menu since last time, so she had one of their new crepes, and I had a salmon sandwich with fries and a coffee. Then we went home, grabbed our bags of clothes, blankets, food, and what-have-you, and headed down towards Half Moon Bay, to this amazing itty bitty beach Kar had discovered long before, and had never been able to find again. Before we went she was like, "well, we could search for it... but no guarantees! We might have to settle for just being in the South Bay." But she found it.
You'd never know it existed if you didn't know it existed. You park in a nondescript parking lot, and walk down a really long straight path, with a tall fence on both sides, so it's kind of a commitment. The path is sprinkled with little yellow flowers, which at this time of year had apparently gone into their puff-ball seed pod phase, so the edges of the path were all full of seed tufts. And at the end of the path is a port-o-potty, which we used, and then there's a long staircase carved into the wall of a pretty shear cliff. Warning signs alert people that there's no safe footing at the edges of the cliff, and I counted three signs prohibiting dogs from being anywhere in the vicinity.
Down at the bottom of the cliff was the beach! It was bordered at both ends by large, natural rock formations, so the whole thing was just a crescent of sand with no way out except by the staircase or the merciless Ocean. The whole thing was maybe 500 yards from end to end, and probably only 100 yards from cliff to breakers. Additional signs warned of tsunami.
Over at one end, for some reason, was a couch, just above the wave line; and someone was walking around over there. Over in the middle were a couple of guys who seemed to be fishing with nets. And a woman sitting farther up the beach, watching them. She glanced over at us as we picked our spot. Some kind of sea birds were also fishing; bobbing around out on the surf, diving down over and over; and a sea otter, or maybe a seal, was also out there fishing. Something was going on, right at the shoreline where the waves broke in. Maybe some kind of turtle that had been using this beach to lay its eggs for millennia; something like that.
So we sat, and talked, and read aloud to each other, and were amazed by the beach.
Actually, the beach sand was pretty hard on the feet. The sand crystals were just slightly bigger than normal, and they ground together under the feet as I walked, and really just sort of sanded my feet down. It didn't take long for it to become pretty painful. The complaint of the city-boy. "Oh! The beach is hurting my feet! Oh!" But no kidding, it was a new experience. I'm used to sand feeling soft.
The basic pattern was, Kar and I would sit on the blankets, relaxing and basking in the glory of the beach and the glory of each other; and then we'd walk down and stand at the edge of the water, to let the waves lap over our feet. We'd cool down that way for a bit, still basking, and then go back and sit some more.
There were also seagulls out on the beach, and one time as we came back from cooling our feet, we discovered one dragging Kar's bag - the bag with the berries and crackers in it - away from our blanket! It had gotten it several feet along, and had actually managed to turn it upside-down enough to tip out the container of berries.
After that, this particular seagull was never more than 20 feet from our blankets, and watched us closely. If we went to cool our feet off, it would walk closer and closer towards the blankets as we walked closer and closer towards the water. It had no fear, because humans running on sand are at best a silly sight, and no conceivable threat to a seagull. So it was just a question of how far away we got. Sometimes it would try to fool us, pretending to walk away from the blankets, and then backing towards the far cliff wall so we couldn't see its head from down by the water; and then it would scurry back to the blankets, thinking it had fooled us. But I was able to just make out the top of its head as it tried this stratagem, so I wasn't fooled.
There wasn't much they could do, really. We didn't have very much food. After a few times coming back to put Kar's bag back on the blanket, I took out the berries and Kar and I ate them. But the sea-gull still kept going after the bag, and eventually got hold of the crackers. They were in a ziplock bag though, out of danger, so the seagull just kept grabbing it with its beak and shaking it against the sand, to little effect. Eventually I went and got the crackers too - the bag was too heavy to fly off with - and Kar and I ate the crackers.
Actually we didn't eat all of them. Some of them we'd toss to the seagulls, which resulted in a large flock of seagulls standing around us waiting for crackers. The social structure of a flock of seagulls is pretty intense. God forbid one of the smaller gulls gets a cracker. Between the time it takes them to scoop it up in their mouths and then to swallow it, the head gull rushes over to peck at them. Once the prize is swallowed, the head gull resumes his position of looking at us for more crackers. I tried to give one just to him, but it's hard to aim a cracker. I typically gave each cracker a spin as I threw it, which did increase the accuracy, but only enough to add some distance to the throw. The wind would still carry it to the gulls on something of a random vector.
After a couple of hours at the beach, it started to be past lunch-time - I guess our Squat-n-Gobble experience had been a breakfast/lunch type deal - and we decided to head over to Half Moon Bay proper, and shop, and maybe get some tea or something.
So we did that, and played a game where each of us would take turns coming up with an idea for a novel. We told about six of those, and I think it'll be a game we come back to.
At Half Moon Bay we found a bookstore, and I got Kar a copy of my favorite biography, "Wilde" by Richard Ellmann. The store owner looked for it for us, but came up empty; but apparently she was one of these bookstore owners who has special powers, because she had some kind of recollection that the book really was somewhere. The random book I happened to ask her for. And after a few minutes she came up with it inside a box somewhere else in the store. Kar and I were appropriately awe-struck at her talents.
So I got it after all! It's such a great biography! Kar's pretty busy, but I think I got her hooked on the idea, at least. And I'll read her a bit of it, to get her started.
After that it was getting late - somehow two hours passed at a coffee shop talking about ideas for novels - so we raced back into San Francisco to go to the Wine Club, so I could get a bottle of wine for my old boss who had his whole collection of wine stolen by a neighbor. So we got there and were helped by this really nice, large, bearded man who had done geographical computer technology for years until he decided he liked wine better. So we picked out a nice bottle of 2000 Pichon-Longueville. I hope he likes it, and I hope he is unaware that I've started a new blog. I don't think he tracks me that closely, since I left the job.
Then we went to eat at Universal Cafe, on 19th Street. It's kind of in the middle of nowhere on Potrero Hill, but it's this fancy shmancy restaurant that is turning out to be a tradition for Kar and me. Whenever I come for a visit, we always try to find it again. Each year we get better at finding it, but this year, like usual, we couldn't remember the name, or whether it was on 19th or 20th or 17th or suspended from skyhooks, or where along the street it would be. Last year we had to drive around for a good while before stumbling on it. This year we did better, and found it right away. Next time I'm sure we'll remember the name and place with no problem, at last.
Just as we were finishing up with dessert, Kar's boyfriend James called to ask if he should start watching an X-Files episode, or wait for us to come home first. So we raced home and all watched X-Files and ate cheese and crackers, and I had chocolate peanut butter ice cream. After X-Files, we watched an episode of West Wing; and after that it was bedtime. A long and successful day.
2012-09-09
The TechCrunch Hackathon
A friend of mine from my first job in California has a startup and is developing a Next Big Thing, and he and his team went to the TechCrunch Hackathon on Saturday. I haven't seen him in years, though we've kept in touch across the ocean, so I went along for the ride, just to hang out, see him, meet his team, and enjoy the atmosphere of a thousand marauding geeks.
That day had by far the least nutritious eating I've engaged in for many a moon. I believe not one thing I ate was nutritionally better than just going hungry. But that's another story.
The main thing that happened though, was that when I went in to present my ticket and get the little sticker to put on the front of my shirt, I somehow got in the wrong line and ended up in front of this TV personality who wanted to interview me. She was there, her microphone was there, and some guy with a TV camera was pointed right at me. And she had that same big phony corporate voice that I've grown to feel represents total insincerity. And the more I tried to ignore her, the more she felt the absolute need to get me to participate. She ultimately got me to tell her my first name by promising that she'd tell the ticket taking guy to put me next on his queue. But the whole time I was just saying, things like, "I just want to sign in for the hackathon, I don't want to answer questions, please leave me alone." And she was like, "C'mon, just tell me your name! Tell me your last name too. Are you uni-named, like Cher?"
The experience was awful enough, but after it was over, the friend of mine from way back - who I'm sure would have loved to be the subject of an interview, and gotten to talk all about his product - he said I'd been very rude, and hadn't followed social conventions, and that the whole rest of the world behaved one way, and that for reasons he couldn't fathom, I just chose to behave another.
That was really the worst. And at the time, I couldn't understand how bitter he must've felt at missing the opportunity to talk about his product. He didn't really tell me that it had been the opportunity of a lifetime, if only it had happened to him instead of me. So I got very resentful, explaining that I hadn't asked to be in her TV show, and that nobody was obliged to play their stupid media game just because they were smiling and sticking microphones in their face. So he said the whole thing was a TechCrunch media event, and that the cameras were part of the whole point of anyone being there. Which I suppose was true. If I'd known beforehand that I might find myself on TV, I could probably have responded more to his liking. I wouldn't have minded terribly, advocating for his startup. But just being caught unawares like that really discombobulated me.
And him calling me rude, and being basically very condemnatory, pushed me over the edge, and I left the whole event, and walked back almost to Market Street for the BART before he ended up calling my phone, and telling me that we really only had a few short times available to hang out before we'd be on opposite sides of the ocean again; and I should just come back and get over it. So I did.
And actually the rest of the time was not so bad. He's very conflict avoidant actually, so it was easy to make up. And we ended up sitting around a table, him and me and his startup team, and having a really good time. They hacked on some code, and I helped out in little ways, like getting people drinks, and debugging JavaScript and whatnot. I was glad I went back, because I did really love that friend, and it really had been a long time since we'd seen each other, and storming off the way I did was definitely inspired by a feeling that was going to pass, as in fact it did.
So really, it was a good time. The food though. Ugh, the food! I have to list it off before I end this entry. I started out with a cup of coffee and a plain croissant. Then my friend got me a sugar-dusted, fruit-filled almond croissant. Then I had a long string of cans of Coke - free for all takers at the hackathon. And then my friend got me and everyone on his team a bunch of triple-burgers and fries from a place nearby. Holy cow. It satisfied the hunger, but in no way aids the human organism. And that was it. That was all I ate for the day. So it was a day of adventure on multiple fronts.
And really, it was great to see my friend again after so long.
That day had by far the least nutritious eating I've engaged in for many a moon. I believe not one thing I ate was nutritionally better than just going hungry. But that's another story.
The main thing that happened though, was that when I went in to present my ticket and get the little sticker to put on the front of my shirt, I somehow got in the wrong line and ended up in front of this TV personality who wanted to interview me. She was there, her microphone was there, and some guy with a TV camera was pointed right at me. And she had that same big phony corporate voice that I've grown to feel represents total insincerity. And the more I tried to ignore her, the more she felt the absolute need to get me to participate. She ultimately got me to tell her my first name by promising that she'd tell the ticket taking guy to put me next on his queue. But the whole time I was just saying, things like, "I just want to sign in for the hackathon, I don't want to answer questions, please leave me alone." And she was like, "C'mon, just tell me your name! Tell me your last name too. Are you uni-named, like Cher?"
The experience was awful enough, but after it was over, the friend of mine from way back - who I'm sure would have loved to be the subject of an interview, and gotten to talk all about his product - he said I'd been very rude, and hadn't followed social conventions, and that the whole rest of the world behaved one way, and that for reasons he couldn't fathom, I just chose to behave another.
That was really the worst. And at the time, I couldn't understand how bitter he must've felt at missing the opportunity to talk about his product. He didn't really tell me that it had been the opportunity of a lifetime, if only it had happened to him instead of me. So I got very resentful, explaining that I hadn't asked to be in her TV show, and that nobody was obliged to play their stupid media game just because they were smiling and sticking microphones in their face. So he said the whole thing was a TechCrunch media event, and that the cameras were part of the whole point of anyone being there. Which I suppose was true. If I'd known beforehand that I might find myself on TV, I could probably have responded more to his liking. I wouldn't have minded terribly, advocating for his startup. But just being caught unawares like that really discombobulated me.
And him calling me rude, and being basically very condemnatory, pushed me over the edge, and I left the whole event, and walked back almost to Market Street for the BART before he ended up calling my phone, and telling me that we really only had a few short times available to hang out before we'd be on opposite sides of the ocean again; and I should just come back and get over it. So I did.
And actually the rest of the time was not so bad. He's very conflict avoidant actually, so it was easy to make up. And we ended up sitting around a table, him and me and his startup team, and having a really good time. They hacked on some code, and I helped out in little ways, like getting people drinks, and debugging JavaScript and whatnot. I was glad I went back, because I did really love that friend, and it really had been a long time since we'd seen each other, and storming off the way I did was definitely inspired by a feeling that was going to pass, as in fact it did.
So really, it was a good time. The food though. Ugh, the food! I have to list it off before I end this entry. I started out with a cup of coffee and a plain croissant. Then my friend got me a sugar-dusted, fruit-filled almond croissant. Then I had a long string of cans of Coke - free for all takers at the hackathon. And then my friend got me and everyone on his team a bunch of triple-burgers and fries from a place nearby. Holy cow. It satisfied the hunger, but in no way aids the human organism. And that was it. That was all I ate for the day. So it was a day of adventure on multiple fronts.
And really, it was great to see my friend again after so long.
2012-09-07
First Day In SF
Got to San Francisco yesterday. James called almost as soon as I turned my phone back on, to ask if I wanted him to pick me up at the airport. He and Kar are such loving people. Back at the house, the garden is like some beautiful elvish palace. Huge sunflowers taller than people, and scattered around. Wildflowers in the shade. They tested the earth, and apparently it had no toxins, though it needed some nutrients, which they'd added.
The upstairs room has a real bed now, and is a lot more comfortable than when there was just a futon. And they've gotten a new couch for the living room, since the old one had been pretty well busted for awhile.
The new roommates both seem nice. I got to chat with each of them for a few minutes. One is getting a master's degree in creative writing, and the other is doing an undergraduate degree in environmental science. What great things to study!
This morning I slept until a reasonable hour - maybe the jet lag will not be so bad this time - and then Kar and I went to Boogaloos for breakfast. She had her usual amazing scrumptious amazing food, and I had a chicken caesar. Then we drove to one of her job locations on the Haight, and she did some work while I hung out in a coffee shop.
People are so friendly! Back in NYC I talk to strangers, but here it's like they expect that and are more than happy to get into a conversation. I must've talked to half a dozen people over the course of the morning, and they told me tons of stuff!
One couple I met was on honeymoon from Spain, and we talked about the different educational systems, and whether Greece will stay in the EU, and whether Hollande will do a good job or not, and whether China will become the dominant world power. Then they went off to shop in the Haight and go to the MoMa.
The barista at the coffee shop is the niece of the owner, and had to run off to her 2nd job - teaching conflict resolution to at-risk youth. The barista who came in to replace her was singing loudly behind the bar, and it turned out she wanted to start a band and go touring.
I also read a bit in my John Adams biography. So far I'm really enjoying my plan to read all the Presidential biographies in order. The Washington one by Chernow was a bit too slanted; and the Adams one is even more slanted; but I think I just have to expect that. Anyone writing a Presidential biography is going to be trying to make the case for their favorite Presidents to be considered the best of all time. It's too bad, because I love really great biographies, like Ellmann's biography of Wilde. Really great biographies stick to the primary sources, and don't try to pretend they understand what was going on in the person's head. The great ones also involve a lot of research of the surrounding culture, and don't present a modern morality on top of the biography. Chernow, for example, went on and on about how Washington was terrible for owning slaves; and while slavery is bad, it's out of place to make those judgments in a biography. If I'm reading a biography of a slaveholder, I'm interested in what actually went on regarding that person's slaves, and their activities surrounding the issues of the day. It does me no good to hear the author pontificate about how Washington was good or bad based on his slaveholding practices. I'll make those judgments for myself.
Anyway though, it's really fascinating to read these overlapping biographies. Next up is Jefferson, and I'm particularly looking forward to that one, because I already know he became a big enemy of Washington and Adams, with tons of intrigue and suspicion, back-stabbing, and the whole nine yards. But I've only heard it from the perspective of the Federalists. Jefferson's Republican party has yet to be spoken for.
This evening is the Miramar Friday Night. Good company, nice snacks, interesting conversation, and maybe an episode or two of some favorite TV show of Kar and James's. I think they may be on the X-Files these days. Hopefully I'll stay up late and get a San Francisco night's sleep.
The upstairs room has a real bed now, and is a lot more comfortable than when there was just a futon. And they've gotten a new couch for the living room, since the old one had been pretty well busted for awhile.
The new roommates both seem nice. I got to chat with each of them for a few minutes. One is getting a master's degree in creative writing, and the other is doing an undergraduate degree in environmental science. What great things to study!
This morning I slept until a reasonable hour - maybe the jet lag will not be so bad this time - and then Kar and I went to Boogaloos for breakfast. She had her usual amazing scrumptious amazing food, and I had a chicken caesar. Then we drove to one of her job locations on the Haight, and she did some work while I hung out in a coffee shop.
People are so friendly! Back in NYC I talk to strangers, but here it's like they expect that and are more than happy to get into a conversation. I must've talked to half a dozen people over the course of the morning, and they told me tons of stuff!
One couple I met was on honeymoon from Spain, and we talked about the different educational systems, and whether Greece will stay in the EU, and whether Hollande will do a good job or not, and whether China will become the dominant world power. Then they went off to shop in the Haight and go to the MoMa.
The barista at the coffee shop is the niece of the owner, and had to run off to her 2nd job - teaching conflict resolution to at-risk youth. The barista who came in to replace her was singing loudly behind the bar, and it turned out she wanted to start a band and go touring.
I also read a bit in my John Adams biography. So far I'm really enjoying my plan to read all the Presidential biographies in order. The Washington one by Chernow was a bit too slanted; and the Adams one is even more slanted; but I think I just have to expect that. Anyone writing a Presidential biography is going to be trying to make the case for their favorite Presidents to be considered the best of all time. It's too bad, because I love really great biographies, like Ellmann's biography of Wilde. Really great biographies stick to the primary sources, and don't try to pretend they understand what was going on in the person's head. The great ones also involve a lot of research of the surrounding culture, and don't present a modern morality on top of the biography. Chernow, for example, went on and on about how Washington was terrible for owning slaves; and while slavery is bad, it's out of place to make those judgments in a biography. If I'm reading a biography of a slaveholder, I'm interested in what actually went on regarding that person's slaves, and their activities surrounding the issues of the day. It does me no good to hear the author pontificate about how Washington was good or bad based on his slaveholding practices. I'll make those judgments for myself.
Anyway though, it's really fascinating to read these overlapping biographies. Next up is Jefferson, and I'm particularly looking forward to that one, because I already know he became a big enemy of Washington and Adams, with tons of intrigue and suspicion, back-stabbing, and the whole nine yards. But I've only heard it from the perspective of the Federalists. Jefferson's Republican party has yet to be spoken for.
This evening is the Miramar Friday Night. Good company, nice snacks, interesting conversation, and maybe an episode or two of some favorite TV show of Kar and James's. I think they may be on the X-Files these days. Hopefully I'll stay up late and get a San Francisco night's sleep.
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